at least i’m not THAT guy
i am a dork. i like science. i am probably not that cool, but every time i think that maybe i’m not as cool as i think i am, i just need to overhear someone else talking while i am walking home or open my eyes a bit…and thank god that i’m not THAT guy. it’s great when you get selective hearing for about 2 seconds, just enough time to hear THAT guy say something to the girl he’s walking with like “i’m sorry kickboxing practice went late” or “most people are unfamiliar with the difference between blue cheese and feta cheese.” at this point, there is no need to keep listening, in case the context reveals he is actually cool. it is better to laugh and move on, for he is not.
so, now that i think about it, i am pretty cool, and there are pretty good odds that you are cool, too. see, if we assume the world population to be about 6.4 billion, there is only a 1 in 6.4 billion chance that you are THAT guy i passed while walking the other day. that’s quite a small probability. and since THAT guy is clearly not cool, you and me probably are, too.
however, there has been a surge recently in the ever growing contingent of faction “THAT guy.” they have acquired this one guy i heard talking about how he knows where to get the best bagels; this coming right on the heels of recruitment of this one dude walking out of his dorm while telling this girl he was walking with “why, i’m a pretty cool guy” after she told him to stop being so annoying.
you should also be on the lookout for this one guy i saw telling this group of girls about his law firm outside a local bar, and his friend, whom earlier that day went tanning.
so i guess the probability goes up (albeit very slightly) that you are THAT guy, but it’s still very small. so just remember, if you ever are having one of those days where you’re not feeling cool, or you’re at a party and people are looking at you awkwardly, just look around or have a listen. there’s always that ONE guy who redeems your life’s existence and reason for living…and it’s to not be him.
February 20th, 2006 at 4:32 am
hmm..what do u think of the guy who knows where to get the best singaporean food? too cool for u?
March 1st, 2006 at 10:29 pm
my fav post
March 19th, 2006 at 12:02 am
As a girl, I now have to more seriously consider watching out for “THAT guy” and as such, I was wondering something.
I overheard a guy say to a girl, “You were so kind helping so-and-so up (from a tough yoga position I think). You could be a spiritual guide.”
I’m pretty sure he’s “THAT guy” right? I mean I’m pretty sure that helping an agile friend up from her predetermined happy baby pose doesn’t qualify any one of us as a spiritual guide. But then again, at the time I heard this I was pretty busy checking my pockets for a red flag to hand to the girl.
March 20th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
he is definitely a well-trained “THAT guy.” i mean, one of the most simple tests for deciding this is if you find yourself thinking “who talks like that?” or “who says that?” well, the answer is “THAT guy” talks like that, or says that.
April 6th, 2006 at 6:30 pm
[…] that being said, even if cellphones caused brain cancer, that can’t be that bad, can it? i mean, talking on a cellphone shouldn’t be allowed to make you smarter or cooler - especially if you’re on a crowded subway or bus and that one guy next to you blabbing loudly on his cellphone won’t shut up about “having the numbers on his desk tomorrow morning” and “the smith proposal.” i mean i’d much rather see THAT GUY collapse from some brain malfunction than the guy whose just quietly minding his own business, kicking ass at sudoku. […]
April 11th, 2006 at 6:30 am
Super Post!
Thanks for the enlightening informaiton.
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:18 pm
[…] considering my rantings and musings about various establishments/people such as wal-mart, the media, pizza delivery dudes, that one annoying guy, hippies, jamba juice, etc. (how’d you like that for plugging myself), you’re probably expecting me to mention the post office by now. […]