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went to walmart yesterday and i almost pulled a gun from the sporting goods section and shot myself. i’m sure this kind of thing about walmart has been ranted about constantly, but this store is SO STRESSFUL for the average human. next time i go i feel i’m going to have to knock out four teeth, wear some awesome sweatpants with the t-shirt advertising the local tavern tucked in, and bring along 12 screaming kids with ice cream stains on their faces just to fit in.

the most ridiculous, annoying part is navigation. it’s like trying to navigate the boston marathon in an escalade: you’re not going anywhere, everyone’s screaming, and there’s a high probability that someone next to you just defecated their pants. why an escalade? because that’s how i roll.

also, i’d say about 90% of all items in the store are in use by customers at any given moment, which is disturbing - i mean what if want to buy that 4ft diameter beachball? not after junior just barfed on it from eating too much candy corn from aisle 3 while his attentive mom was at the checkout. which leads to another interesting point: the ratio of toddlers to adults is just a little too high - it’s suspicious, really. people can’t have that many kids on average - i think that “parents” are convinced that walmart doubles as a babysitter just drop your kids off at 9am, pick ‘em up at 5pm.

but walmart is pretty damn cheap. cheap towells, paper plates, toothpaste, and best of all, cheap nerf weapons. but when i have kids, we’re going to target.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 27th, 2006 at 8:24 pm and is filed under underrated, walk it off. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.