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while i do not really have much of on intro for the following lists, they are the result of 10-15 years experience on the social scene. the reason for their posting today goes back to my observation of a ~45yr old skateboarding, which i thought was awesome, but not in an efficient way. i thought he must have just started skateboarding in his early twenties or so, right when it was the cool thing for kids to do - but for some reason, he never let it go…

TOP 5 THINGS THAT AREN’T REALLY COOL NOW, BUT WERE PRETTY AWESOME WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER:

5. riding your bike with no hands. i see this just about everyday - yeah we get it, your momentum prevents the handlebars from turning, and unfortunately, you from faceplanting - oh, p.s. - everyone can do it so just chill out before you cause an accident.

4. velcro shoes - 1st grade = cool. 16th grade = RAINMAN (ok, rainman was alright, but you know what i mean). if you can’t tie your shoes by now…

3. working at mcdonalds and buying crappy “classic” cars to fix up - i group these because i feel they go hand in hand - most people worked at mc’ds to earn money to buy a tire from an old camaro so they could fix it up and have the sweetest ride at school. but if you’re still working at mcdonald’s in your twenties, and it’s not for a joke or something, save some of your self worth - go to taco bell.

2. nike “AIR” basketball shoes AND those lame addidas soccer shoes - EVERYONE wore this stuff and thought it was cool, and it was - i mean, these were the days of the tennis shoes revolution, in the era of michael jordan and the rising of gangs and expensive sports apparel. but i think we’ve all outgrown this stuff now. ONE EXCEPTION = rap music videos

1. flicking boogers at people - man, i remember these days, and the legend of nate johnson in 6th grade nailing joey meyer with a booger from across the room. but try doing that in a lecture hall in college, or at a job interview - ERROR

and, just for good measure, we might as well pay tribute to the goods that can really stand the test of time…

TOP 5 THINGS THAT WILL ALWAYS BE COOL:

5. saved by the bell - while saved by the bell “the college years” was a crappy attempt to prolong the series, it was still better than anything out today. saved by the bell started it all. 90210? crap! (except for the theme song which was pretty awesome). before melrose, 90210, friends, the OC - any other show which tells of the daily drama between three guys and three girls, there was saved by the bell. and ac slater will never be replaced. nor will his hair.

4. working at taco bell - whether you’re 4, 12, 26, or 78 years of age, taco bell is a sweet deal. especially if they keep the crunchwrap supreme going. plus they have that sour cream gun which goes unparalleled as the sweetest “utensil” in the food industry (have you seen the trajectory on those things?)

3. rice krispy treats. this may sound lame, but i could eat a whole pan of that stuff back in 7th grade. and now i can still take one down - with a few beers to boot.

2. reebok pumps - the concept of “pumping air” into a shoe was revolutionary in the era of “inferior” shoes that only had pre-set volumes of “air” in their soles. and the pure motion of reaching down, not to tie your shoe, but to squeeze the tongue of the shoe a few times, rise up, and give that look that you, my friend, are now READY TO ROCK.

1. farting

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 30th, 2006 at 5:45 pm and is filed under THE LISTS, walk it off. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.