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i figure i need to post this quickly before it becomes old news. this is tough for me, actually keeping up on current events, but i’m having trouble getting over how ridiculous the tour de france is getting…got, whatever.

i barely followed the tour de france when lance armstrong was riding, and he was actually exciting to watch. when he left, there would maybe be a REMOTE possibility that i was going to click the cycling link on espn.com - mostly to see who of the next top riders might win now that lance is gone. but then THEY got busted for doping. c’mon! NOW, we’re forced to watch essentially amateur hour on wheels. i’d rather watch curling or or the NASA channel.

so, if we want to restore cycling to it’s competitive nature and watch the fans return in forgiveness, there’s only one thing left to do - MAKE DOPING MANDATORY. i’m not talking about just legalizing it for use so it becomes a choice of the athlete - you’ll still get those boring guys with morals that will refuse to dope and then whine about how they are true athletes and at least their you-know-what is the same size - well we don’t need them.

i’m talking about drug tests before races to MAKE SURE that the cylclist has done everything in his power to crush the competition. that he has AT LEAST a red blood cell count of a brontasaurus, and that his testosterone:epitestosterone ratio is about 100x that of the combined audience at a taping of “the man show” or ivan drago from rocky IV.

why throw out all this good science and research that went into making someone superhuman? i mean, if we put things in perspective here, if you were drinking gatorade in the 50’s that was doping. “well i would have won the race, but i choose not to use any electrolyte-replacing-enchancing liquids, like my competitors.” well get the net. EVERYBODY’s doing it now. and my guess is that 30 years from now, there’s going to be cereals like “EP-O’s” or steroids in powerade.

SO - imagine the outcome - the best cyclist will win, just like before, but they’ll be averaging about 50mph over the entire 2,000 mile race. the race may actually last 1.5 weeks instead of 3 weeks. the sprints to the finish line will start 30 miles back instead of 30yds. there will be guaranteed roid…er, road rage.

now THAT’s worth watching.

i’m so pumped up about this thinking about its application to ALL sports, i’ve decided to compose a poem:

800ft homeruns, two minute miles,
90yd field goals just makes me smile.
let’s liven up sports, they’re getting quite dull,
i mean there’s poker on tv doesn’t that say anything about how real sports are maintaining the people’s interest?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 9th, 2006 at 10:11 pm and is filed under current events, sports?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.