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for some reason, i’ve been on a global warming “kick” recently, so here’s hopefully the last bit of agenda i need to let out. i mean, thanks to al gore, not only is everyone able to surf the internet, but the world is now taking complete control of its destiny. ever since “an inconvenient keynote presentation” people are refraining from using paper or plastic at the supermarkets, drinking water out of pottery, and trading in their suv’s for skateboards. right. and when i make my millions, i’m going to fly around in a private paper airplane (recycled, of course).

one of the mega indicators that we are supposedly f*cked is the melting of the polar ice caps. glaciers, greenland, antarctica, etc. anywhere there should be snow and ice. where as i’m more concerned about my gin and tonic getting diluted, there are people out there just going NUTS over the melting of a polar ice cap. like R.E.M. nuts. basically implying that our lives will turn into a real life waterworld. we’ve already tolerated one waterworld, and i guess most people think we can’t stomach the reality spinoff.

but the truth is that once the caps melt, the coasts have readjusted, we’ll all go back to normal, just with slightly less real estate. so, maybe to avoid decades of complaining, worrying, and paranoia, we might as well just melt them ourselves quickly with a special laser satellite or giant hair dryer. i mean, once they’re all melted, the ocean level can’t get any higher, so we’d never have to worry about it anymore. we could issue a 5yr warning so all coastal residents would have a chance to move inside the new, future coastline and scramble from their islands.

imagine how many people this would shut up, and how many protesting hippies/lobbyists would actually have to get jobs because they’d have nothing to complain about. they might even start wearing deodorant. we could focus energies on much more useful agendas. yes, it might get a little warmer, but people are flipping out over a 1 degree increase in 100 years. come on. suck it up and put on a tank top. we’ll be ok. besides, while the average global temp might have gone up a few degrees over the last century, the average temp inside a building has probably gone down by like 10 degrees over the same span. cheers to AC.

and yes, i know that like 90% of the world’s fresh water is in the ice in antarctica. but it seems to me that we’re doing pretty well with the other 10%. last time i checked, i didn’t have to run a hose to the south pole to operate my slip ‘n’ slide. plus, technology already allows us to desalinate ocean water for drinking. but, if we controllably melt antarctica, etc., we might be able to also control what happens to the melted ice (ie. freshwater) - instead of watching it slowly drip away.

so let’s all just chillax and come up with some new summer cocktail recipes.

roosevelt. martin luther king jr. manela. dalai lama. mother teresa. jimmy carter. AL GORE. which one of those does not belong? (hint: all the names but one are in lowercase).

i can’t believe the nobel commitee awarded the peace prize to al gore…and it’s obvious they can’t believe it either, because they felt so guilty they also acknowledged the UN just so people like me wouldn’t flip out too much. maybe they just felt bad for him after the 2000 election.

but i think the real issue here is not so much that al gore won, but why bringing climate change awareness and global warming crap to the forefront of political issues warrants a peace prize. i mean prizes in the past have been awarded for actually DOING GOOD to the world: negotiating ends of wars, peace treaties, advocating issues that actually changed society for the better, devotion to bettering the world, etc. the effects and consequences of these efforts were realized and could be praised/observed by all.

so global warming awareness? al gore is advocating something that has yet to prove its worth, and probably will never end up doing so because some meteor in 50 years will end up wasting all of us AND our hybrid cars. even the hippies and their bicycles made from recycled aluminum foil will go down. yep, good work al. now, if he got the world’s scientists to unite together to solve the problem of when the next meteor will hit the earth, and they fixed it (armageddon style)? that, my hippie friend, is worthy of a prize.

global warming is not new. and there are some folk even still arguing about whether or not it exists, so Big Al couldn’t have done THAT good of a job. research is developing alternative energies because of depletion of natural resources, not to reduce emissions. so i don’t see how al gore’s movie is going to save the world. and if i wanted to be a true liberal, i could say that al gore is only bringing global warming awareness to the portion of society that is wealthy enough to afford to go to movies. now THAT is not in the best interest of the world. what about all those random tribes in africa discharging aerosols? they may never know…

email is ruining conversational focus. it’s making exchanges look like this:

“hey, did you get my email about going to the game this weekend?”
“oh yeah, the game - yeah we should go to the game this weekend”
“well duh, but did you get the email?”
“yeah, i got the email”
“why didn’t you tell me you got the email?”
“what i have to tell you when i get your emails?”
“yes”
“so you don’t care about whether or not i am going to the game, just as long as your email works”
“yeah, pretty much”

this is slightly better:

“are you interested in the game this weekend?”
“oh, you mean per your email?”
“what you want to talk about fucking email now or the game?”
“ok, ok. well when’s the game?”
“dude, just check your email”

optimal:

“dude. game this weekend, we’re going”
“nice. i’m there”
“i love you, man”
“i love you, too, bro”

i have somewhat successfully moved the blog to this url. i will be working on restoring the theme to be less “hey look at another wordpress blog”-y. in addition, i am also working on my annual post.