when you think about it, tony romo just sucks
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008with all the media frenzy that has been surrounding jessica simpson and dallas cowboys “qb-1″ tony romo, and the speculated impact it has had on the cowboy’s finishing the season on par 
with seasons 2-4 of the OC, i thought i’d just set the record straight by making this statement: dating a super hot celebrity does not affect your performance. well, at least not athletic performance. in fact, if anything, it may actually raise your game because you’re just so pumped all the time. while i may not be offering anything new by saying this, i’m setting it up to disprove another misnomer: namely that tony romo is the next hotness at quarterback.
to prove my first point, i cite the following athlete-hot celebrity couples:
1) tiger woods + elin nordegren. yes, even golfers can score supermodels. maybe not in high school (check), or even in college (check check), but i think if you win enough major tournaments, they’ll start to pay attention. the point here is that you don’t see tiger letting up at all in his career. they started porking in 2001, which as i recall, is one of the most dominating years in all of golf history…by tiger woods.
2) tony parker + eva longoria. she’s really hot. and he’s french even. argh, this one really hurts, i don’t even like tony parker. but seriously, the spurs have won 3 nba titles since he’s been there. and he donates tickets and stuff to underpriveleged youth.
3) tom brady + [insert incredibly hot supermodel not caring if they’re pregnant]. completely, completely, unaffected. this guy is not human in amount of hot girlfriends he scores, and how often he scores, on and off the field. he’s won superbowls with ‘the replacements’ as a supporting cast and is pretty much the only quarterback besides the cast of friday night lights where if you google image search him, you get more glamour pics than football pics. he’s the derek jeter of football, but upgraded to fix all the douchey bugs.
4) joe dimaggio + marylin monroe. just to throw it back a bit for the older demographic readership. nothing needs to be said about how sweet dimaggio was, nor how hot monroe was (good enough for jfk, baby!).
i could list several more examples, like lance armstrong and cheryl crow. but you get my point: despite having super hot celebrity girlfriends, these guys continue to dominate their sport. by that logic, we must only infer that tony romo really, really sucks, and jessica simpson’s hotness had nothing to do with how crappy he plays. if romo was sweet, dating jessica simpson would not faze him at all. he’s an a-list fraud. i mean, he’s from wisconsin. those guys can’t hang with celebs. especially if you look like the actor that played champ from anchorman:
as such, i predict a romo-simpson breakup in the near future (yes, i know i’m not omnipotent if i successfully predict a celebrity breakup). i mean after reading this, jessica just might realize that propagating romo-DNA just isn’t the best way to go.