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i can’t believe it took me this long to remember how much i despise hippies/protesters. president bush was at stanford today, meeting with a think tank at the hoover institution, which was barracaded off to the public from about noon to like 8pm.

yeah, that’s right - i went to see what was going on and took my hardhitting journalism skillz with me - just to see how many lunatics spent their entire week making posters out of paper plates. considering the secrecy of the event, i’m impressed with how quickly some of stanford’s elite were able to come up with poster slogans and construct them. definitely took some time out of playing HALO, so i commend their pre-school elmer’s glue crunchtime prowess. however, i think whether you’re a disconnected protestor at stanford or stanford state you’re cut from the same tie-dyed cloth of cloud 9ness. most of the posters don’t make any sense, which is not surprising considering the ponytailed green-canvas-wearing, button-clad hippie was probably stoned when he made it (yeah, i said it).

what was interesting is how many people had no idea what was going on or where the president was. the mere fact that people probably hung out there for 8 hours on a weekday, waiting to shout a few words (which i’m sure he’s never heard before) at nothing pretty much justifies the uselessness of a modern-day protester. it was exactly like being at a phish concert after the main act and waiting for the encore: people randomly “cheering” while everyone from forrest rangers to rent-a-cops to secret service did their song and dance around the barracades. every once and awhile someone would get the impression that bush was coming, and cheering would erupt - but it turned out to be a roadie with some amps and a few untuned guitars.

so, i figured i could have done the cliche buffalo springfield or CCR protest/war montage, but that pumps hippies up too much and they’ll flip out and start running around naked and blasting john lennon from their vans. as such, i used a more modern audio track. check it out:

WE NEED A MONTAGE

so hey, man. join the revolution. yeah. maybe i should respect the fact that protesters just like to shout, even if it’s gibberish. a perfect example was when they undermined their most original, organized chant, “bush go home!” with the more emotional “show your face!” after several hours of his absence. well, do you want him to stay or go?

and crap, i really wanted that firetruck to keep moving when a couple martyr-hippies refused to get out of the way. maybe the truck was trying to run them over but was repelled by the hippie’s lack of deodorant.

for me, it was a wasted hour of speculation and entertainment at others’ expense. but it could have been worse - i could have looked like this guy:

today i saw a bum with an ipod.

skepticism of sparing change for the homeless will now have a new look:

BUM: hey bro, can you spare some change?
NOT BUM: how do i know you’re not going to take my change and go right around the corner to the apple store and buy an ipod nano?
BUM: yeah, should i get the 2gb or the 4gb?
NOT BUM: well how big is your music library?
BUM: pretty much a few songs that i wrote with desmond on 43rd and chestnut who has a harmonica…and some clay aiken.
NOT BUM: perhaps the ipod shuffle seems more in your price range.
BUM: but it has no screen
NOT BUM: true. here’s a nickel.
BUM: god bless, man.

steve jobs has officially taken over the world.

as a few of you are already aware, i spend minutes everyday, or other day, or three days, bringing the hard-hitting journalism and commentary you deserve. i comb the literature, cite the facts, and post those difficult-to-capture pulitzer photos. this is my sacrifice for all of you. sometimes it’s a slow day on the blogging front, and i could compromise a few of my values and post some garbage about how i made a quilt last night, or how the cafeteria was all sold out of buffalo chicken wraps and i was pissed…but i don’t.

however, recently it has occurred to me, that some people actually make a blog out of this. various sites, which will go named, such as “livejournal” or “webdiary” and the like actually give those itching to share the mundane details of their life (like how it took 4 hours to shovel the driveway and you didn’t expect it to take that long but afterwards, the hot chocolate was really good…like your mom used to make) a chance to let it all out.

i don’t really understand the point. maybe i’m just jealous and bitter because all they have to do is wake up in the morning and take a really long crap in order to have something to write about; whereas my writers pull their hair out for hours, only seem to work about 3-4 days a week, and after all that spit out some rant about jamba juice or a punchline about some current event. and when they’re off, man do i struggle. and by no means am i saying my life is interesting - it’s not. i am a student. i have a computer. end of story.

but seriously. i know the internet is full of useless crap, but why would anyone care that you stayed in last night to do some cooking with your fiance. then the two of you watched “step mom” and went to bed. before bed, you read some of the da vinci code and you’re almost done! you can’t wait for the movie.

why are you blogging about this? and most importantly, why are you blogging at all? you already have a boyfriend - isn’t the point of keeping up a blog to score dates?

i guess i’m also oldschool when it comes to the diary thing. AS I RECALL, any diary you bought at office depot or some pump-up back-2-school stationary store had a LOCK on it. as in NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BUT MATT MCPLAYER IS THE CUTEST GUY IN THE 3rd GRADE. i bet the web diary people now were probably the same folk that flipped out at age 8 when their older brother stole their diary and picked the lock with a paperclip. now all he needs is a computer and some googling skillz.

and next, don’t call me a stalker for stumbling on your site and reading it. i mean, it’s OUT THERE. and since you know people are going to randomly come across it, the least you could do is embellish a bit. maybe throw in a fact about CHUCK NORRIS

it occurred to me through my own personal conscience and comments of those around me that maybe i was being a bit too harsh on the “city worker” stereotype and exploiting the fine, hardworking employees of the campus. as such, to make up for it, i have created a small tribute to them. it’s the least i could do, and i’m thinking this won’t be the last time we cross paths with our landscaping friends (quicktime format)…

WORKER TRIBUTE/I’M SORRY