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5. does bob costas sleep? EVER?

4. dick chaney shot someone in the FACE. the FACE.

3. thank god there hasn’t been an O.C. episode in awhile. this 3rd season might as well be flushed down the toilet. argh. the first season was SO AWESOME (damn right i watch the O.C.)

2. why is carson daly’s monologue on “last call with moron daly” so awkward and sucky? oh wait, i know the answer to this one. it’s because it’s carson daly.

1. how come doogie howser md can only type at 4 words per minute? i thought he was supposed to be a whizkid, but here during the last 5min of the each episode, watching doogie’s computer screen in agony while he craps out 2 sentences on how he was sweet during that day.

just when i thought my day couldn’t get any worse, i got an email from my friend “sdcjlcdmvz,” and all of a sudden things started looking up. the “Z-man” - as we used to call him back in college - had sent along some inside stock tip info which is about to make me lots of cash. he was quite excited about PIFR (premier information management) which is expected to gain over 300% short term. he’s really a nice guy and has a lot of connections to the world of trading. i’ve gotten to be good friends with “mlvpdue” and his broker “g8dleqp” whom have also showered me with wealth tips and recently offered to enhance some of my physical attributes. i’m having trouble thanking them via email; i don’t know if they are going through or not, but no response yet. however, i’m sure they’re quite busy.

(II) NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND - NBA’s most creative way of throwing a party for “all the cool people” in the league by using talent and PPG as a discriminating factor. the EAST won, 122-120 in typical all-star game fashion, which goes like this: watching an all-star game is like watching yourself shoot hoops with your friends outside when everyone has their own basketball. people are getting pegged in the face, basketballs are everywhere, and you’re doing whatever kind of shot you feel like because you know the ball’s coming back to you anyway. hmmm. they should allow an extra basketball into the all-star game just to spice things up a bit.

what else is great about the all-star weekend, besides the fact that it is studded with wasted celebrities and bling, is the DUNK CONTEST. the pure concept have having people compete to see who can be score 2pts in the most ridiculous way is genius. it brings out this playground mentality in the entire arena, and nothing is cooler than seeing an A-list celebrity like Ashton Kutcher humbling himself with his own ARSENIO HALL impression after a monstrous jam. in fact, i am trying to think what the equivalent is in any other sport, and there isn’t one. sure, baseball has the homerun derby, but that’s no different than watching a baseball game - every home run looks the same. now, if they had a home run derby where the partipants called their own shots like “a right angle off the foul post, bounce into row 4 of the left field bleachers and into that bald guy’s big gulp,” then we have a contender. but until now, the only thing that comes remotely close is watching those trick shots in pool.

all in all, i am willing to bet one couldn’t tell the difference between the NBA All-Star game/weekend and a party at the playboy mansion…with basketballs.