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(II) NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND - NBA’s most creative way of throwing a party for “all the cool people” in the league by using talent and PPG as a discriminating factor. the EAST won, 122-120 in typical all-star game fashion, which goes like this: watching an all-star game is like watching yourself shoot hoops with your friends outside when everyone has their own basketball. people are getting pegged in the face, basketballs are everywhere, and you’re doing whatever kind of shot you feel like because you know the ball’s coming back to you anyway. hmmm. they should allow an extra basketball into the all-star game just to spice things up a bit.

what else is great about the all-star weekend, besides the fact that it is studded with wasted celebrities and bling, is the DUNK CONTEST. the pure concept have having people compete to see who can be score 2pts in the most ridiculous way is genius. it brings out this playground mentality in the entire arena, and nothing is cooler than seeing an A-list celebrity like Ashton Kutcher humbling himself with his own ARSENIO HALL impression after a monstrous jam. in fact, i am trying to think what the equivalent is in any other sport, and there isn’t one. sure, baseball has the homerun derby, but that’s no different than watching a baseball game - every home run looks the same. now, if they had a home run derby where the partipants called their own shots like “a right angle off the foul post, bounce into row 4 of the left field bleachers and into that bald guy’s big gulp,” then we have a contender. but until now, the only thing that comes remotely close is watching those trick shots in pool.

all in all, i am willing to bet one couldn’t tell the difference between the NBA All-Star game/weekend and a party at the playboy mansion…with basketballs.

(III) DRUNK TREE - the stanford university “mascot,” “the tree” (pardon the OD on quotes), was recently kicked out of the band for being WASTED at a stanford-cal basketball game. while the incident at the game was not the only offense leading up to the decision, it is the one that has garnered the most publicity, with mention on the radio, news stations, and espn.

WHY is this such a big deal? isn’t the point of going to sporting events for the college crowd to get drunk, rowdy, and make a lot of noise? you think there would be such thing as “homecourt advantage” if all the fans were sober? no, there would not.

have you seen the mascot? it’s a tree. it is going up against bears, trojans, sundevils, wildcats, huskies, bruins, etc. i mean all of these mascots’ real life equivalents urinate on stanford’s mascot everyday in the wild. probably even the duck. you’d HAVE to get me wasted in order to get into that costume. how else would you expect someone to have the intensity mascots are supposed to have…especially as a tree?

i’m sure ALL the other mascots at schools even more athletically hardcore than stanford are COMPLETELY sober. just look the other way - the school needs us. i mean, hell, if they let OSU basketball coach eddie sutton coach his team drunk on the sidelines for the past decade, the least they could do is let a mascot, much alone a tree mascot, have some fun.