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today while i was walking, engulfed in the ipod-hipster-fad of the 21st century, i still had what little remains of my auditory sense to recognize a slight vibrational noise behind me. that coupled with a minor wind current circling my feet finally caused me to turn around in time to realize that i just barely got ran over by a street sweeper. A STREET SWEEPER?

do these things even work? i know they’re kind of big, make lots of noise and have the look and feel of a zamboni machine (which of course is a PRICELESS piece of equipment), but seriously, this has to be the most inefficient use of energy/parts ever. it’s essentially a broom with a huge motor attached to a car that maxes out at walking pace. i followed one of these things for about a block and noted NO improvement in the appearance of the pavement. sure i saw leaves flying around and stuff, and the driver looking intently at the ground like he’s trying to be all precise, but really, there was no order or cleanliness to the scene. and it took me like a block out of my way. i’m pretty sure the driver was just using the sweeper as transportation - to get “back to the shop” to hang out with his boys and talk about some “hot babe” he saw walking through the quad while he was “sweepin’ the streets.” yep, yep, the guy pretty much runs the place.

a street is pretty dirty - do people actually care if there are a few leaves floating around? will campus tourism decline? honestly - if folks are willing to swim in the fountains (which they are), then i’m pretty sure a twig on the corner of north-south mall and serra isn’t going to be a cause for complaint. unless it starts grading chemistry midterms. then we have a problem.

(I) THE OLYMPICS - the world’s newest reality tv show. it must have sucked back in the 1900’s when you had to settle for waiting a day or two before finding out who won a particular event. when there were no sweet designer steroids, no awesome photography/video special effects, no sappy-ass montages of triumph, and no watchful eye of the media, looking to dig up any dirt for a story.

welcome to the 21st century, baby! nothing has changed except everything that happens we know about. and a lot happens. and it’s great.

the LEON LETT PREMATURE HIGH-STEPPING AWARD goes to u.s. snowboarder LINDSEY JACOBELLIS. did you see this? she had a commanding lead in “the cross course,” essentially snowboarding’s equivalent to a downhill ski run with a motocross mentality (ie. all the racers compete simultaneously, and there are sweet jumps). then, on the last jump before the finishline (and a gold medal), she showboats in mid-air (grabs her board - somehow this is difficult to to do?) and totally wipes out. amazingly, she was still able to get the silver medal.

i swear i would have done the same thing, but probably with a slightly cooler looking jump. and you can bet if this was an NBA league equivalent event, she would have landed the trick-jump and taken the gold. but for some unfortunate reason, the karma of the olympics is pure and looks favorable upon hard workers and good sportsmanship…LAME.

NBC’s website devoted to olympic coverage has a photo slideshow of all the figure skating WIPEOUTS from the weekend which occurred in the ice dancing competition. awesome. thanks to ESPN and that, i feel i don’t need to watch anymore. i swear the winter olympics are like nascar. you have them on in the background and don’t really care that much, but you’re just waiting for someone to crash so the announcer can chime in “ooh, that’s going to cost her” or “you hate to see that, bob.” p.s. - some of those women ice dancers…HOTT.

a skiing event supposedly to happen on sunday was postponed because IT WAS SNOWING. heaven forbid people would have to ski in the snow. it’s like expecting to take a shower without getting wet.

i am a dork. i like science. i am probably not that cool, but every time i think that maybe i’m not as cool as i think i am, i just need to overhear someone else talking while i am walking home or open my eyes a bit…and thank god that i’m not THAT guy. it’s great when you get selective hearing for about 2 seconds, just enough time to hear THAT guy say something to the girl he’s walking with like “i’m sorry kickboxing practice went late” or “most people are unfamiliar with the difference between blue cheese and feta cheese.” at this point, there is no need to keep listening, in case the context reveals he is actually cool. it is better to laugh and move on, for he is not.

so, now that i think about it, i am pretty cool, and there are pretty good odds that you are cool, too. see, if we assume the world population to be about 6.4 billion, there is only a 1 in 6.4 billion chance that you are THAT guy i passed while walking the other day. that’s quite a small probability. and since THAT guy is clearly not cool, you and me probably are, too.

however, there has been a surge recently in the ever growing contingent of faction “THAT guy.” they have acquired this one guy i heard talking about how he knows where to get the best bagels; this coming right on the heels of recruitment of this one dude walking out of his dorm while telling this girl he was walking with “why, i’m a pretty cool guy” after she told him to stop being so annoying.

you should also be on the lookout for this one guy i saw telling this group of girls about his law firm outside a local bar, and his friend, whom earlier that day went tanning.

so i guess the probability goes up (albeit very slightly) that you are THAT guy, but it’s still very small. so just remember, if you ever are having one of those days where you’re not feeling cool, or you’re at a party and people are looking at you awkwardly, just look around or have a listen. there’s always that ONE guy who redeems your life’s existence and reason for living…and it’s to not be him.

i live on the campus where i “go to school.” i use quotes because i am a grad student and therefore “going to school” isn’t really “going to school.” however, i still have to get to school, and this usually involves walking across/through campus…and observing some awesome, annoying, and sometimes messed up crap…like, for example, how all of a sudden biking becomes socially acceptable again. however, there’s one problem - at least 95% of the campus population barely remembers or knows how to ride a bike.

now maybe that 95% directly correlates with the percentage of people that were (are) cooler than me in high school (ie. do NOT have blogs now) for the main reason that i still biked to school up through my senior year. but while my secondary school cohorts were ridiculing the two-wheeler in all its lameness, i was retaining and developing valuable skills/courtesy for when i would have to ride a bike on a college campus.

see, on a college campus, automobiles as well as “being cool” are impractical. getting around on a bike is now normal, thanks to the fact that people capable of driving are opting not to drive, and therefore, those chastizing it in highschool and even earlier must now face the real world. it’s like that crappy movie “encino man” all over again. but instead of the caveman being unfrozen after eons and learning to deal with the social situation and what four people are calling “the awesome humor of pauly shore,” it is instead that high school faction that embraced the auto as means of a post-pubescent status booster; casting aside their bicycle roots.

as such, these folk have now fallen into two distinct, and equally ridiculous categories while awkwardly excersing their transportation options on campus.

(I). the first, and probably least problematic from a safety standpoint is the “sloth biker.” these cyclists - and i mean that word in a purely “one who bikes” kind of way, despite its intense, professional connotation - are usually spotted approaching the pedestrian sound barrier at around 2mph. they manage to get in about one complete pedal revolution for every minute they spend on the bike (which is a lot), and it’s amazing they have enough momentum to keep the bike from tipping over. often they are passed by powerwalkers, rollerbladers, your average turtle, and occassionally sauntering, ipodded walkers.

why should i care that they are biking slow? it’s their choice, and it’s not like they are rickshawing me around to appointments. i guess it’s kind of like releasing the shackels from a prisoner and watching them just hang out in prison. you are on a bike! you have this incredible opportunity to be efficient and aerobic! could it hurt you to go just a little faster? my friend with the broken leg is trying to get around you…

(II) the second class is clearly the most obvious, and also most entertaining. i will describe it as the drunken clown riding the clown bicycle in a circus parade. always looking around at something not in the direction they are heading, their aimless meandering makes negotiating any space around them completely unpredictable. they are usually carrying on conversations with fellow bikers, whom are all riding at totally different speeds (hence the looking backwards and circling around like the flying monkeys on wizard of oz). i love these guys. often when they crash into people it’s funny and both crashing parties are lighthearted about it, unless one of the parties actually knows how to ride a bike…then we’ve got some campus bike rage on our hands.